is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
