why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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