he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
