we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
