we're blogging at a bar
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
