Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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