I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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