I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
