He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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