I wish I only lived at night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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