got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
