Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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