Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
