Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ok first of all what the fuck
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
