So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
