Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
