i think my tv is drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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