then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
