I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
