I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
