I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
