Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
