i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
