Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
