matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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