stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have post one night stand depression
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
