Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
