I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
