he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
