TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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