$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
