I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
