oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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