we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
