What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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