waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
