Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
