Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
