so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
