Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
