he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
