i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
