You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
