Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
