OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
