apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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