Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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