thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
