enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
