Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
