I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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