I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
