i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
