even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
