I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
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New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you win again, gameday.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better