Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.