Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
