so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
