I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
