i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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