She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
