Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
