Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
