I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
