i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
