Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
