tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
