You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
