you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
