Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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