I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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