Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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